My House

You see a house. It's your childhood house. You reconigize the outside like you would a long-lost relative. You want to go [[inside->Entry]] and around to the [[backyard]] at the same time.

The long-ish hallway stretches before you. You smell ... //that smell.// The [[closet door]] is hanging slightly ajar. You could continue to the [[hallway]] if you'd like. Some things are easier to [[remember->grandma]] than others. But are you ready? If not, you can return to the [[front.->Front of House]]

The grass hasn't been mowed in a while. Your [[tire swing]] sways in the wind. Rusted [[patio furnature]] sits, unused. The chill is disturbing. [[Patches of grass]] are pulled out of the ground. You can go back around to the [[front,->Front of House]] inside to the [[living room,->Living Room]] or around to the [[garage.->garage]]

The now empty suitcases stare at you. They beg you to remeber the vacations and trips and fun you had. They accuse you of forgetting. You want to close the door, but you can't. So you don't. [[Return.->Entry]]

The options overwhelm you here. Where to go next? Do you even want to keep going? You've made it this far. [[Your bedroom,->Bedroom]] [[guest bathroom,->Guest Bathroom]] [[office,->Office]] [[living room,->Living Room]] [[kitchen,->Kitchen]] and [[master bedroom->Master Bedroom]] stand before you. You can return to the [[entry->Entry]] if you need a break.

The pink, no //samon// colored walls greet you. The place is empty. There's a dresser in the corner that was never there when you were. You almost want to [[remember.->Remember Bedroom (young)]] Or you can exit back to the [[hallway.->hallway]]

Rubber ducks are everywhere. In the picture frames, on the shower curtian, and in the full bathtub. There's something else you are trying not to [[remember.->Guest Bathroom (sad)]] Or you can return to the [[hallway.->hallway]]

This room has always been an office. We never had a need for a second bedroom. (text-colour:red)[His] desktop computer is on. You can [[look closer,->Computer Screen]] or go back in the [[hallway.->hallway]]

A [[fireplace,]] a [[couch,]] a [[coffee table.->coffee table]] The [[backdoor.->backyard]] The space where other furnature used to be. An empty [[cage.->cage.]] The [[hallway]] and [[kitchen->Kitchen]] sit behind you.

The kitchen is large and open. It contains the usual kitchen items, a [[fridge,]] a stove, a [[sink,]] and a pantry. A [[memory->kitchen scene]] tuggs in your subconscious. The [[garage]] door is to your left, and the [[hallway]] is behind you.

The dark cave brings back feelings. They are so mixed up you don't know what they mean anymore. The memory of a [[nightmare]] you had threatens to return. The [[onsuite]] and [[closet->Parent's closet]] doors stare at you. The [[hallway]] sits behind you.

The first thing you see when you open your eyes is the canopy bed that you had to have. A small smile curls on your lips. The toys from your youth scatter the floor; you were never a neat child, were you? There's something else here you don't want to [[remember.->remember]] You walk to the mirror and see your childhood self. Slowly your face shifts into [[[[teen->Bedroom remember (teen)]]]] you. Or you can leave the past behind and move on, back to the [[present.->Bedroom]]

Your air mattress in the corner looks cold, but is actually comfortable. Still, random books and still toys cover the floor. Nothing has changed there. However, there is a sense of temporariness to this room now. No wall decorations, no clue when you'd have to leave again. A memory flutters in your mind, [[unwelcome. -> mom in room]] The [[closet]] catches your eye. Or you can go back to the [[present.->Bedroom]]

One side of the closet is cleared out, with nothing but a cushion on the floor. You're tempted to crouch back into your spot, with the stickers on the wall, but are scared you'd never leave again. [[[[Return.->Bedroom remember (teen)]]]]

Your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] sobs on the floor. There's a bruise forming. (text-colour:magenta)[Her] cellphone she grabed for out of reach. There's banging on the door. You cover your ears. [[[[Forget.->Remember Bedroom (young)]]]]

The ducks vanish and you are sobbing in the shower. So hard you can't distinguish your tears from the water streaming down your face. The best man in the world is no longer there for you. Your (text-colour:cyan)[grandpa] is dead. [[Forget.->Guest Bathroom]]

Four clickable icons appear. [[pictures]] [[access the internet]] [[Webkinz]] [[exit->Office]]

Thousands and thousands of pictures of younger you flood the screen. You with sunglasses on, looking sassy on a boat. You with your arms around a childhood pet. You smiling with ... You can only look at the pictures. [[Return.->Computer Screen]]

A 2010s social media feed floods the screen. GIFs, text posts, and white text memes greet you like old friends. Saved browser tabs all work like they used to. The stories you wanted to publish on the internet still exist, and you smile at your younger self. If you stay any longer, you know you'll stay forever. [[Return.->Computer Screen]]

Your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] helps you put on your Halloween costume. You feel so old and sophisicated. (text-colour:magenta)[She] warns you to never grow up, but you do. [[Forget.->Master Bedroom]]

You are a child. You sit while your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] puts laundry away. You ask if you can go home. (text-colour:magenta)[She] looks confused; you are home. But it doesn't feel like it is all the time. [[Forget.->Master Bedroom]]

You approach the cage. Your childhood pet lived here. They were the sweetest thing you've ever know. You softly touch the metal and let your hands fall away. They are in a better place, you hope. [[Return.->Living Room]]

The left drawer is stuck. You are relieved. [[Return.->coffee table]]

The right drawer slides open to reveal coasters. You used to play with these, pretending they were planets in a solar system. (text-colour:red)[He] used to teach you things. There are things you wish you could unlearn. [[Return.->coffee table]]

A grey car sits in the garage. You kind of want to [[sit in the car,->sit in the car]] but are scared to. The smell of rubber premates the area. A painting leans against the wall. You can exit back into the [[kitchen,->Kitchen]] or go around to the [[backyard.->backyard]]

You look at the surface of the fridge. It is cluttered with pictures of you. You turn away quickly. [[Return.->Kitchen]]

You apprach the sink. You remeber pulling a prank on this sink, then you remeber why you don't like to pull pranks anymore. [[Return.->Kitchen]]

The car still smells like new. Should you remember? [[Yes->yes]] or [[no.->garage]]

Your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] screams and cries as a car heads toward (text-colour:magenta)[her]. (text-colour:magenta)+(bg:black)[She] is in the road. (text-colour:red)[He] is in the car. You close your eyes before anything can happen. Nothing does. [[Forget.->garage]]

Your (text-colour:magenta)[mother's] rusted patio furnature her (text-colour:cyan)[dad] got her sits, wasting away. She misses it like she misses her (text-colour:cyan)[dad]. [[Return.->backyard]]

//Tire// swing is a strong word; its just a plastic seat. But to you: it was a tire swing. A great one. [[Return.->backyard]]

There are two drawers. Which one will you open? [[Left drawer]] or [[right drawer.->Right drawer]] [[Return.->Living Room]]

The front door stands ajar. Peering around the hallway, you see three figures. (text-colour:red)[Him],(text-colour:magenta)[mom], and (text-colour:green)[grandma]. (text-colour:green)[I'm taking her! She's not staying here!] (text-colour:red)[Fuck you, Sherry. ] A slap echos through the room. Someone is sobbing; It could be you. (text-colour:green)[Come on, hun. ] You are dragged from the room. Looking back at (text-colour:magenta)[mom]. Do you fight to stay? [[Yes.->grandma cont A]] [[No. -> grandma cont B]]

(text-colour:magenta)[Go, I'll be okay. ] [[Go. -> grandma cont C]]

(text-colour:green)[She'll be okay. Come on. ] [[Go. -> grandma cont C]]

Your (text-colour:green)[grandma] leads you to her car. Your (text-colour:cyan)[grandpa] sits in the drivers seat, shaking. (text-colour:cyan)[He] doesn't speak the whole way to their house. Crawling on (text-colour:cyan)[his] lap later, (text-colour:cyan)[he] lets you watch cartoons on TV. (text-colour:cyan)[He] never lets you do that. [[Forget. ->Entry]]

The backdoor is closed. The stillness of the summer air is stiffling. Grass seems to tickle you everywhere, even in the cast of your broken leg. (text-colour:magenta)[Mom] went inside for a minute, but the minute drags on. Where is she? [[Call out to her.]] [[Cry.]]

You call (text-colour:magenta)[her] name, but there's no response. [[Cry.]]

You begin to cry, to hyperventilate. You call out but no one answers. You're alone. Maybe you always have been. Maybe you always will be. You drag your body across the ground, desperately clawing at the grass to move towards the door. Clumps of grass come out in your hands. Snot smears your face; the grass is sticking to it. [[Forget. ->backyard]]

You're six. You're sitting on (text-colour:red)[his] lap while (text-colour:red)[he] helps you set up your Webkinz account. It's been good recently. Yet, you hold the toy chihuahua tight in your tiny hands. (text-colour:red)[What are you going to name your dog? ] You pause. (text-colour:yellow)[Taco]. (text-colour:red)[That's a silly name for a dog. ] (text-colour:yellow)[It's what I want. And his favorite food is asparagus. ] [[Exit. ->Computer Screen]]

You're laying on your air mattress, listening to your favorite album. (text-colour:magenta)[Mom] walks in. (text-colour:magenta)[Are you happy here? ] [[No.->Sad]] [[Lie.->Sad lie]]

Relief fills your body as you answer truthfully. Yet, that's not what happened. You'll never know what would have. [[Lie.->Sad lie]]

(text-colour:yellow)[Yeah, no, I mean its nice here. Why, are you happy? ] (text-colour:magenta)[As long as you're happy. ] [[Forget.->Bedroom remember (teen)]]

You're trapped. You don't know where you are or how to escape. Everything is white and blinding around you. Despertly you beg someone, anyone, to let you leave. No one hears you. [[Wake up. ->Master Bedroom]]

You observe the empty fireplace. A menorah used to sit on the mantle, next to the Christmas tree. You used to think it was so cool how you'd celebrate both holidays. You only see menorahs now at your friend's house. You're glad you know enough to support and celebrate with her, but they way you learned is better forgotten. [[Forget.->Living Room]]

Some time ago, your most recent memory in this place, you walked through the door unannounced, and walked stright up to (text-colour:red)[him]. It was the last time you voluntarily came to this place. Driving away from your mother's second wedding, something makes you stop at the dilapidated house. Your college roommates are confused. You hate (text-colour:red)[him]. Why are you here? [[Spite.]] [[Anger.]] [[Or...]]. [[Forget.->Living Room]]

Screw (text-colour:red)[him]! Why is (text-colour:red)[he] always here? Around every memory? Why can't I just forget? Why'd (text-colour:red)[he] have to fuck me up? [[Yes, but also... ->couch,]]

I hate him. I have never hated anyone. But him? It's the kind of rage that boils seas and burns in my stomach. But I don't think I'm mad at him for what he did to me. I'm mad at him on behalf of my mother... [[Yes, but also... ->couch,]]

What made (text-colour:red)[him] hurt us? Was (text-colour:red)[he] hurt in the past? Is (text-colour:red)[he] messed up? A monster, or a man that wears a mask of one? [[No.->Or...]] I'm not that forgiving.

What's become of my childhood home? How would I feel to return? Sad, angry, everything all at once? [[That's not right.->Or...]]

Fear. You'd think fear would make me run, right? Far away and never looking back. But I'd tried that. For five years I've lived in fear of this man coming back into my life. The only way to get the fear to leave is to return on my own. On my own terms. Not (text-colour:red)[his]. [[Forget.->Living Room]]

Was it a softer emotion? [[Confusion.]] [[Curiosity.]] [[He deserves my anger.->couch,]] [[It's something else.]]

(text-colour:red)[Well then, call the cops!] (text-colour:magenta)[Fine! I will!] (text-colour:red)[No one will believe you you fat, disgusting, pig! ] Hiding behind the corner, just out of sight, you cry silently. [[Call Grandma.]] [[Hide in Room.]]

(align:"=><=")[(text-style:"bold","expand")[(align:"=><=")[My House] (align:"=><=")[By: Emma Lang]]] (align:"=><=")[[[Begin->Front of House]] ] Trigger Warning: Implied domestice abuse and depictions of domestice abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestice abuse, there is hope. For help or more information, call 800-799-7233 or go to the National Domestice Abuse Hotline website.

You tear through your room searching for the mobile phone your (text-colour:magenta)[mom] gave you for emergencies. You can't find it. You rememeber - (text-colour:red)[he] has it. [[Hide in Room.]]

You crawl in the tiny space between your bed and bookcase. Curled up as tiny as you can make yourself, you cover your ears with your hands. You can still hear them. You can hear them now, 20 years later. [[Forget.->Kitchen]]